You have been in my arms for 4 days now. I simply can't believe it. You are the most beautiful baby and your life completes my heart. You will never know the extent of my love for you or how grateful I am that you are my daughter. I stare at you in amazement and spend hours holding your tiny hands and feet. Thank you God for giving me another precious miracle. Anna, you are wonderfully made and every bit as special as your brother and sister.
On Monday, September 24th, Dada and I headed to the Double Tree hotel to spend the night. We had to be at the hospital at 5 a.m. Tuesday morning so we chose to stay downtown close to the hospital where I could get some rest and focus on the biggest day of my life - YOUR BIRTHDAY!
Bebe and Pops came to Tulsa to take care of William and Adeline. They both had school Tuesday and it was also picture day for Adeline. Bebe stayed home and got your siblings off to school while Pops came to the hospital to be with Dada and Mom.
We got to Labor and Delivery at 5 a.m. and quickly checked into a room where the nurses prepped me for my c-section. The prep takes about 2 hours, so you were not scheduled to arrive until a little after 7 a.m. I got set up in the bed and hooked up to my IV. Dada and I tried to relax as best we could while we waited for Pops.
It was THAT MOMENT in time when the clock couldn't tick fast enough to keep up with my intense desire to meet my daughter. My heart was bursting. I NEEDED to see you. I NEEDED to hold you. I NEEDED to kiss you. I NEEDED to tell you, "I am your mommy!"
When your brother was born, it was hard for Dada to stay in the operating room with me. So when Adeline was born, Dada suggested Pops go into the surgery with me. I was fine with his decision because I didn't want your Daddy to faint or get sick during delivery. So, Pops was there when Adeline came into the world and Dada asked him to go with me again for your arrival. Don't worry, your Dada was waiting in great anticipation for you!
As the clocked ticked closer to 7 a.m., I remember feeling overwhelmed with mixed emotions. I had waited SO long to see your face and I felt so grateful that God chose me to be your mom. I also started to feel a small sense of loss in the fact that you wouldn't be my little traveling companion inside me anymore. It sounds crazy, I know. But you will know exactly what I mean when you have your own babies. There was something very comforting to me knowing you were with me all the time and when I would feel you bump and kick, it simply took my breath away. But all these emotions were floating on a tremendous cloud of joy and anticipation. I was ready to see you and hold you in my arms!
At exactly 7 a.m., I hugged Dada good-bye and walked to the operating room where Dr. Gehring was waiting for me. Once I was set up and the team of doctors were ready, Pops came in the room and sat beside me. I laid there waiting and waiting to hear you cry and I just kept telling God thank you for answering my prayers and sending me My ANNA.
And then I heard you. You screamed a tiny, high pitched scream and my whole world stood still. My eyes filled with tears and I asked if you were ok. Dr. Gehring told me, 'She's perfect!" and my heart burst. Just like with William and Adeline, my heart has never been so thankful and my soul has never felt a love like it did IN THAT MOMENT.
Pops raced over to the table where they were cleaning you up and he took some great pictures of you. I will treasure them forever. After what seemed like hours (but only minutes really), Pops carried you over to me so I could see you for the first time.
I remember kissing her head and holding her hands and telling her over and over that I am her mom and that I was so thankful you were here and about all the prayers I sent to Heaven in hopes that one day YOU'd be mine.
You took my breath away. Anna, you are wonderfully made and so precious. The first thing I noticed was that you didn't have the full head of hair like your sister. I wasn't expecting you to have a ton of hair, but I was so stunned when Adeline was born with thick hair. I was just bracing myself for a sweet surprise from you! Your head has light blonde hair and is very similar to William's baby hair. It is going to be fun to watch you grow and change. I can't wait to see what is in store for you!
While the doctors took care of me and sewed me up, Pops took you down the hall to meet Dada. I am sorry I wasn't there to see his face the minute he laid eyes on you, but I think these pictures show you just how much you mean to Daddy. He's got another little bundle of pink. Twice as much pink love and oh, how you light up his world!
After awhile, the doctors wheeled me back to my recovery room where I got to hold you for the first time. There are no words to describe the moment you were placed in my arms. The feeling is irreplaceable and exceeds my dreams. I remember the second you looked into my eyes too. I know you heard my voice and knew instantly that I am your mommy. I studied your tiny nose and held your tiny finger in my pinky. You gripped my finger so tight! Oh how TINY you are! 7 pounds, 5 ounces and 20 inches long. Your petite face peaked out from under your little hospital hat and within minutes you were nestled on my chest where you stayed for 4 days.....sleeping the day away under my robe and listening to my heartbeat.
You love sleeping on my chest with your head to the side. It's where you can hear the familiar sound of my heart beating inside that little place you called home for 9 months. Selfishly, I don't want you to get bigger. I want to freeze time or slow it down just so I can hold onto these precious days of newborn bliss. I watch you for hours. You stretch and yawn. You extend your skinny little legs and bow your feet in the air. You love the pacifier from the hospital and at 4 days old, you can even hold it in a death grip! Your cry is high pitched and squeaky - it's a sound unlike anything I have heard and I love you for it. Your eyes are wide open and you look around with a quiet, calm presence.
My last night in the hospital with you was my favorite time. Dada took William home for the night and it was just you and me against the world. In the stillness of my room, you slept on my chest down inside my robe like you love to do. I laid there in the darkness and just embraced your life. Anna, you are the delight of my heart. You are an answered prayer and I cannot imagine my life without you.
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Then I let you sleep again. While you slept on my chest, I could feel little movements from your hands and your feet. I could feel your bottom kinda twitch and hear your voice let out a tiny moan. You are the gift that completes me. Every single time you moved, it was like you were back inside me. I recognized the feeling and it was such a joy to say to myself, "oh, so that was your bottom moving when I would feel that!" or "ah ha! that gliding sensation was always your toes wiggling and your fingers moving...." Those are the moments that simply steal my heart and bring me to tears.
You are always a part of me.
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